


roommates (?)

by novoaa1



Series: gotham city sirens: the roommates™ edition [1]
Category: DCU
Genre: .... not quite bliss, Domestic, Gen, absolute shenanigans, domestic!, harleys always pullin some funny ass shit, lskdfjldjkfslfkj, we STAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 20:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novoaa1/pseuds/novoaa1
Summary: Sometimes (orallthe time, really), living with Harley and Ivy is… a lot.Don’t get Selina wrong here—she loves her girls, and maybe the lot of them will downright deny it up and down until they’re pushing up daisies, but she’d die for them without a moment’s hesitation, and she knows that they’d do the same for her, no matter how much they love to front like they’re any tougher than that.But, still… sometimes, she just has to take a minute and reflect amidst the sum of their collective severely sense-lacking shenanigans and just wonder how in theworldshe got there, particularly contemplate which of them was the ingenious mastermind who first proposed the absolutelycapitalidea that the three of them should become…roommates, of all things, like a bunch of unruly bleached-blonde boy-crazy college sorority girls attending Gotham University just downtown for matching undergraduate degrees in psychology.Or: "... and they wereroommates." "oh my god, they wereroommates."





	roommates (?)

**Author's Note:**

> sldfkjdlskfjlsdfkj pls be nice cause i have so much homework i just couldn't get this outta my head and then i did a thing and i havent really done any editing so i'll try and come back later if i can but also my russian prof is kicking my ass right now (and not in the sexy way) so like. lets not expect too much from old audrey here, yea?
> 
> anyways
> 
> enjoy:)

Sometimes (or _all_ the time, really), living with Harley and Ivy is… a lot. 

Don’t get Selina wrong here—she loves her girls, and maybe the lot of them will downright deny it up and down until they’re pushing up daisies, but she’d die for them without a moment’s hesitation, and she knows that they’d do the same for her, no matter how much they love to front like they’re somehow above all that.

But, still… sometimes, she just has to take a minute and reflect (usually in the midst of some hare-brained full-on bonkers scheme), wondering how in the _world_ she got there. 

As of late, she often finds herself contemplating which of them was stupid enough to first propose the absolutely _capital_ idea that the three of them should become… _roommates_, of all things, like a bunch of unruly bleached-blonde boy-crazy college sorority girls attending Gotham University just downtown for matching undergraduate degrees in psychology. 

Like, take this for example: 

Selina was just having a normal day—pickpocketing a few especially sleazy-looking businessmen for a neat sum of quick cash, preventing a handful of ski-mask-wearing morons victimizing clueless kids on the streets, getting a couple of raw steaks for dirt-cheap from Sal down at the black-market-chop-shop for Harley’s ‘feline lovelies’ (as the charismatic woman was so unapologetically fond of calling her rabid hyenas)… all in all a normal, commonplace, run-of-the-mill series of activities. 

Well, that is… until she got ‘home,’ or whatever rag-tag headquarters the ‘Gotham City Sirens’ (as a large portion of the city’s underground had dubbed them) called theirs—_hers_, she supposed, though even the flyaway spirit of her long-absentee mother knew she’d never christen it that aloud. 

For starters, upon muscling open their slightly broken white-painted wooden front door (prone to getting stuck for extended periods of times ever since Harley’s particularly inspired bout of veganism which, needless to say, ended rather poorly on all accounts—hence the especially broken door), she was subsequently met with a truly… _charming_ (read: slightly alarming) sight: 

Some unfortunate blood-streaked soul dressed in a tattered business suit and tie bound tightly (perhaps even _too_ tightly, Selina would’ve wagered) to an unevenly-balanced wooden chair (the last of their furniture save for the cigarette-burn-riddled burgundy sofa in the parlor) and screaming (with no avail) bloody murder through a raunchy-looking gag made up of charcoal-grey cloth Selina guessed was probably white a very long, long, _long_ time ago. 

But, really, that wasn’t the main issue—Selina was no stranger to bringing low-life frauds back to their flat for a little face time, never mind the fact that this blonde-haired blue-eyed (and _heavily_ perspiring) man was bleeding from various unseen wounds on his person (not even to _mention_ the rather sizable spattering of purplish bruising beginning to form on either plump previously-pale cheek). 

The mess irked Selina, of course (along with this poor excuse for a man's muffled pleas for help)—but, still, not the main issue. 

The main issue? 

The two lumpy, misshapen screaming shit machines clad only in incorrectly-assembled diapers that rounded the corner approximately two seconds later on stubby little pinkish-pale legs. They were slobbering incessantly from tiny little drool-covered face holes and looking at Selina with wide curious blue-and-green colored eyes (respectively) as if _she_ was the one who didn’t belong—as if _she_ was the one who was trespassing upon their humble abode. 

Harley followed after just seconds later in bounding footsteps, an ear-splitting red-lipped grin upon her unnaturally pale features, her polka-dotted leopards trailing voraciously behind and eyeing the pair of stumbling overgrown fetuses with scarcely contained hunger—they were freakin’ _salivating_, for Christ’s sake (… well, even more so than usual, as it were). 

And, really, Selina thought as she eyed the scene before her with unconcealed consternation—the tiny blue-eyed sack of lard slipping in still-wet blood streaked haphazardly across the hardwood flooring as its other green-eyed counterpart merely gawked helplessly before dissolving into something like delighted laughter, the wannabe-Hugh-Hefner wailing noisily into his gag whilst squirming futilely against his bonds in some poorly-executed attempt to escape his inevitable fate, an overtly delighted Harley dancing around on bare feet like a maniac while her ravenous oversized tomcats stalked after their soon-to-be preschooler-aged prey like men starved…. 

_Who in the actual hell thought that this would ever be a good idea?_

§ § § § § § § § § § § § § § § § § §

**Author's Note:**

> thots? (my [tumblr](https://psyches.co.vu/))


End file.
